Out of the hundreds of video podcasts I’ve recorded, my highest viewed videos on YouTube are on “Breaking Soul Ties”. I receive countless emails, letters and messages from women and men with questions about this intimate topic. They are in wrong relationships, admit that it’s wrong, but cannot seem to move on. Teenagers have crossed the line with various partners and don’t know how to make things right. Old flames have re-kindled an inappropriate secret romance. They grieve in their soul when that person rejects them, moves on to someone else, or God clearly instructs them to end things. To put it mildly, soul ties are powerful.
What are soul ties?
A soul tie is an emotional bond or connection that unites you with someone else. You can become bound to a person through your soul.
Have you found yourself tormented by thoughts about a person, excessively wondering about them, checking on them, rehearsing times with them? If so, you have soul ties. Have you grieved over a severed relationship with someone you were once close to? If so, you have soul ties.
Soul ties are formed through close friendships, through vows, commitments and promises, and through physical intimacy. Not all soul ties are bad. God wants us to have healthy relationships that build us up, provide wisdom, and give godly counsel. God will strategically bring good relationships into our lives to form healthy soul ties. “When David had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own life” (1 Sam. 18:1 (AMP). In contrast, Satan always brings counterfeits into our lives to form unhealthy soul ties.
A few ways unhealthy soul ties can be formed include:
· Abusive relationships (physically, sexually, emotionally, verbally)
· Adulterous affairs
· Sex before marriage
· Obsessive entanglements with a person (giving them more authority in your life than you give to God)
· Controlling relationships
Four Indicators of Wrong Soul Ties
1. “I feel so confused.”
When you are outside the will of God in a particular relationship, you will experience confusion. Your feelings will tell you one thing; your spirit will tell you another. That’s where the confusion comes in. “God is not the author of confusion but of peace” (1 Cor. 14:33, KJV). If you are not experiencing peace in this relationship or “soul tie”, then something is not right. That is the Holy Spirit warning you and working to get your attention. You need to respect these warnings. They are not to be brushed off or treated as a small thing. Honor the Holy Spirit’s leading in your life. You should not feel confused if you are in the will of God, and honestly, why would you want to be any other place? When you are confused about a relationship, you can make unwise, regretful decisions. You need to take purposeful steps in feeding your spirit the truth of God’s Word. The truth always overrides deception.
2. “I’m just miserable.”
When we persist in doing something that we know God is not in agreement with, we will experience a type of misery that doesn’t go away. You may feel uneasy inside, extreme anxiety, sorrow or pain. You may feel disgusted by what you’re doing, yet feel powerless to change your situation. Those are all indicators that Satan is at work in your life to destroy it. David cried out in Psalm 38:8, “I am exhausted and completely crushed. My groans come from an anguished heart.” (NLT). If that describes how you feel when you’re alone, I want you to know there is hope. Psalm 23:3 says, “He restores my soul” (NIV). Those four little words will redefine your life. God will restore your mind, your will and your emotions.
3. “My mind is tormented.”
The mind of Christ is one that is at peace no matter what the circumstances. When Satan has invaded our souls through wrong soul ties, our minds will not be at rest. This is where your battle takes place. Is your mind constantly replaying images of the past and rehearsing previous conversations like a broken record? Do your thoughts produce fear or make you feel unclean? Whatever is going on in your mind is affecting your emotional state. Your feelings are indicators of what you are thinking about. Second Corinthians 10:5 says that we are to renew our minds by taking “captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (NIV). I will be the first to admit that this is not easy, but it is necessary. You can do this. As a Christian you can get your thoughts under the control of your reborn spirit. How? By speaking God’s Word out of your mouth every single time a negative thought enters your mind. Don’t just think it, speak it. It can be as simple as saying: “Thank You, Lord, that you restore my soul”… over and over and over. Be persistent. There’s nothing Satan hates more than to hear you speak the Word of God and the name of Jesus out of your mouth!
4. “I didn’t mean to disobey God…on purpose.”
If you feel like you have been dealing with a situation for far too long and nothing seems to help you get beyond it, remember this phrase: God will not advance your instructions beyond your last act of disobedience. If you don’t fully obey what God is telling you to do, you will never move beyond your current circumstances. I don’t know what that means to you, but I know what it meant for me years ago. I was desperate to move beyond my circumstances no matter how painful it would be.
Why would we disobey God?
· We doubt our ability to hear from God.
· It hurts too badly.
· It’s uncomfortable.
· It’s not what our flesh “wants” to do.
· We say that we are waiting for God to change us.
· We are waiting for God to change someone else.
Rather than simply obey God, I believe we try to find answers that won’t be uncomfortable. We wait for an easier way, but we stay miserable inside. What is God telling you to do? Be honest with yourself right now. If God was standing in front of you right now, what do you believe He would instruct you to do in your situation? Don’t go another day, month, or year struggling—obey God’s instructions. Remember, partial obedience is still disobedience. Delayed obedience is still disobedience. Do what God is telling you to do knowing ahead of time that it’s always for your benefit. God is not trying to hurt you. He’s trying to help you. He sees what you don’t see. You will never regret obeying God. Never. Your life isn’t over because a relationship is. God wants you to let go of the past and get on a pursuit. He has big dreams for your life.